The other day I told my mother I was ghosted. Horrified by this mysterious term, she quickly asked, “Katie what does ghosted mean and who did this to you?!”
Ghosting (ˈɡōstiNG/) for those of you who have never been guilty of or victim to this selfish attempt of letting someone down easy, is the act of cutting off all communication with someone you are dating, in hopes that they “get the hint” you are no longer interested. The ghoster usually justifies his/her actions by admitting they did not want to hurt the feelings of the person they were breaking up with.
How do I know I am being ghosted? Easy!
- He/She starts cancelling or changing plans on you. You make excuses in your head as to why? They are busy at work, hanging out with friends, and the list goes on. After a week, these excuses run dry.
- He/She has all of a sudden stopped commenting or liking anything on your Facebook wall; when only weeks before they were all over it, sending you links or making witty remarks on your cat photos.
- You have reached out on multiple occasions only to receive zero communication from the other side. This means no phone calls or text messages. It is as though the person you’ve been dating for the last month is a figment of your imagination.
If you suspect you are being ghosted, I highly suggest you break it off yourself! This shows you are the bigger person who respects yourself and refuses to waste your time dwelling on what could have been. It is time to move onto someone deserving of your time.
So is ghosting bad?!
YES. (especially if you’ve met his/her family)
Not only do you look like an absolute coward, you have given no answers to the confused ghostee, whom is left ultimately asking themselves what they may have said or done to “mess” it up. Just because you couldn’t muster up the courage to call them and communicate honestly, you have caused unnecessary stress for the ghostee kept in the dark. Now the one exception, if you have only been on one or two dates and you both know it isn’t going to work, no I don’t think a follow up phone call is necessary.
Rejection can be tough to swallow, but it provides a lot more clarity than the trend of ghosting. There is a level of respect that comes with dating and it is really important to take into account the vulnerability of the other person’s emotions.
