There comes a time in one’s life when they seek a serious relationship. It’s only natural for us to search for a relationship that meets our needs To understand how we go about this, think about that job with a steady source of income which allows us to come home and turn off the switch. We can then focus on other things in our life. What’s important here is that we keep this job because we feel we have a safe and secure job. And to leave it would mean a fearful experience or a loss of security and stability. So you stay at this job and never explore future opportunities.
Does this sound like your relationship?
Just as in the job example, comfort plays a vital role. Sometimes being too comfortable is not a good thing. It doesn’t push you to be your best.
Are you too comfortable in the relationship?
Maybe you don’t go that extra mile that you once did to look and feel your best. Being comfortable in a relationship might just be a telltale symptom of settling. The comfortable relationship may take care of immediate needs, but it may be stagnant. Relationships should be growing and evolving with time.
Does your partner irritate you?
Those little quirks that you once thought were cute, now make you irritable which shows you don’t look at your partner the same way as you once did. Fighting over the “little things” often occurs when a couple has focused on each other’s shortcomings rather than their strengths. Are you guilty of this behaviour?
Do you make excuses to justify why you’re settling?
You think of excuses like, “I’ve invested so much time and energy into this.”, or “I’m afraid to be single and date again, what if I don’t find anyone?”. Thoughts like these haunt your dreams and never let go. They are fear-based and keep you stuck. These thoughts are important in that they are there to remind you of your unhappiness in the relationship. To you, the fear of leaving is worse than settling in your relationship. If you are unhappy now, think of the future that awaits.
It is healthy to spend some time away from your partner, but when you find yourself enjoying your free time away from them a little too much, you may very well be settling. Is the alone time just a method used to distance yourself from a troubled relationship.
Do you fantasize about being in a different relationship?
This shows you are looking for something beyond the safe and secure relationship you currently find yourself in. If you catch yourself doing this frequently, it’s time to have a talk with your partner.
It can be difficult to face your fears but in the end, you have to ask yourself if this relationship is enough for you or if it’s time to face your fear and move on to a relationship which is really going to fulfill you.