Five Key Secrets to Healing from Heartbreak

Breaking up hurts—for real. The part of the brain that registers the pain of a break-up is the same area that registers physical pain. The more rejected, abandoned or ignored you feel, the more activity you will have in the anterior cingulate part of your brain, which also registers physical distress. Your pain is physiological and it can be excruciating for sure.

But here is the good news:  There are definite proven methods to beat the blues! Use these tips:

1.  Sharing with close friends

Talking about your upset has been shown to lessen the activity in the pain-feeling part of the brain, and being with loving friends helps the brain to release natural opioids. So, make a beeline for your besties and talk it out!

2.  Meditation/relaxation

Our coaching clients have successfully used a number of relaxation techniques to get rid of heartache. These include meditation, deep breathing or journaling.

3.  Sleep

Sleep elevates mood. When you’re depressed, however, sleep may be hard to get.  This is another reason to start doing meditation—it has been shown to help people sleep better. You can also try a warm bath with lavender oil and/or cutting off stimulating activities like texting, checking email, watching TV or surfing the web a few hours before bedtime.

Photo by JD Mason on Unsplash

4.  Exercise

Exercise releases opioids, those all-natural painkillers. Hitting the gym regularly can help you feel good about yourself.  To start, just try ten minutes of walking, stretching, or any kind of physical exercise and see what happens. Don’t overdo it!  Ten minutes of exercise can carry you forward in every way!

5.   Imaginary conversations with your Ex

People who have imaginary (not real!) conversations with their partners which help them say goodbye have more relief from grief than those who don’t. In our coaching program we have found 4 key points that create closure in this faux conversation, which is usually done either by journaling or speaking to an empty chair where you imagine your ex. Write or talk about:

1. Things that you never said to your ex but really wanted to

2. Things that irritated you most about your ex

3. How you felt in those last moments of your relationship

4. Why your heart is aching

5. What you have learned from this experience

 Allowing yourself to process your own thoughts and feelings will help you to move far beyond them and the relationship that triggered it all.

Go ahead and use these heartbreak recovery tips and you will be so glad you did! And then, hasten your healing process by getting out there dating.  This will take your attention off your ex and the past a lot quicker. If you are having trouble recovering from heartbreak you can also get support in a free phone or Skype coaching session with a wise Love Mentor® coach at  Just say “Plenty of Fish sent me” for VIP treatment!

Dr. Diana Kirschner

Posted by Dr. Diana Kirschner

PBS Love Expert, Psychologist & Bestselling Author, Dr. Diana Kirschner, is the CEO of, a leading source of dating & relationship advice. Dr. Diana has handpicked and trained a team of Love Mentor® coaches who have worked with tens of thousands of singles to create soulmate love. Her bestselling dating book is Love in 90 Days

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