When it comes to online dating, nobody really has a step by step playbook on what to expect, not even me! The internet has gone ahead and kicked it up a notch by granting us complete anonymity behind screen names and Instagram filters. Even as a dating site employee, I can admit that more than once I’ve been disappointed after meeting someone who turned out to drink and womanize like Tyrion Lannister. But no more!
As someone who sees the ins and outs of online dating on the daily, believe me when I say, not all dates have been or will be bad. From practice, I’ve come to recognize the red flags I was missing by being too blinded by excitement or who I wanted my date to be. So at my expense, save yourself the wasted time and effort, and pay close attention to the most common (and most serious) online dating red flags.
1. Bringing up an ex repeatedly in conversation
There is absolutely no reason in the world that a guy you are talking to online should be giving you a play by play, sorting out the pots and pans of their previous relationship (she was boring / he was unmotivated, he cheated / she was lazy etc). If they are constantly speaking; ill or otherwise about their ex, they are looking for a therapist. Not a relationship. Every ex of their’s was crazy? Uh huh, onto the next.
2. Their Longest relationship is a year or less and they are in their mid-30’s
Now I’m a big advocate of not wasting time on losers or people who do you no good. Cutting ties to those who cause you hurt is best done sooner rather than later. However, everyone has had one relationship that has lasted over a year, whether it be dysfunctional or the best one of your life, as much as we hate to admit it to ourselves (or others). If you are looking for a serious relationship and are speaking with mid 30 year olds who have not had a relationship longer than a year, it’s time to reconsider how seriously relationship oriented this person is or will be. Will this person be someone to bring home to family dinners? Most likely no. Some of our best relationship lessons are learned early on, if someone hasn’t experienced those ups and those downs, this might not end well.
3. Out of a recent relationship (within first couple of months)
I once struck up an online convo with a guy who’d ended his relationship. THAT WEEK. Now, I’m not one to judge, but if you and your ex broke up last Saturday, you’re more than likely looking for a rebound come the next Friday and can stay out of my lane. If their relationship was +2 years and they’re on a dating website in less than 3 months since the time of break-up, more than likely buddy over there is still dealing with yesterday’s news. Later for that noise.
4. No real profession
All too many times I see guys list their profession as “Got one” or “A good job”. If you can’t at least provide a vague FIELD of what your profession is, chances are you do not “got one”. What are you, a spy? I’m not asking for a detailed description of your daily activities but if I’m gabbing with my girlfriends over a bottle of wine and can’t definitively say what you do, we won’t be meeting anytime soon. I don’t know about you, but I don’t necessarily look for a partner who doesn’t take some sort of pride in at least mentioning what they do for a living.
5. Lavish lifestyle photos (most commonly associated with vague Profession)
Hi, my name is red flag. The idea behind posting pictures is to put your best food forward, showcasing your interests and hobbies. Guys with only images of themselves in the VIP section of the club surrounded with bottles or selfies with that expensive watch in their luxury vehicle scream someone who has something to prove. Those who have money are subtle about it. It’s great to see someone has worked hard for their things but, I question what type of intent this person has. We get it already, you’re into making money. You and the rest of the world.
What are your online dating red flags? Leave them in the comments below!