We’re all familiar with the trend. You break up with your special someone and then immediately report to your best friend, who is armed with cookie dough and the best of Netflix. Next on the menu is a calorie-filled, crying coma set to the tune of “The Notebook” being played on repeat.
When you’ve got the breakup blues, what you really need is a good dose of sassy stars, smart-assy quips and the comedic styling of Adam Sandler to bring you back from the breakup grave.
If you’re feeling down and dumped, you can count on these 10 best breakup lines on film to help you forget what you’ve no longer got:
10. “I’d rather be his whore than your wife.”
What a line. In the epic tale of two strangers who met and fell in love aboard the Titanic, you can’t help but root for these star-crossed lovers. Rose was raised to be a woman of dignity and class; meanwhile, Jack Dawson is a wanderer, dirt-broke and offers nothing to compete with Rose’s rich, tool of a boyfriend (except for the fact that he is played by the young and dreamy Leonardo DiCaprio). By the time Kate Winslet delivers this spitfire line, we’re all ready to tell her pompous ass of a fiance where he can shove it.
#9 “Please get out of my Van Halen T-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.”
(THE WEDDING SINGER)
This crackerjack break-up line will leave your eyes bulging and head shaking as you struggle to hold back snickers even if you have no idea of the context of the movie. In The Wedding Singer, Robbie, played by Adam Sandler, opens up this separation suggestion with, “Hey psycho… It’s over.” As if that doesn’t totally convey the devastation he must be feeling, from there he unapologetically fears for the fate of his favorite band more than the fate of his relationship. All in all, for those who appreciate a good zinger, or at least a good rock band, you can’t beat this humdinger of a breakup line.
#8 “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
(GONE WITH THE WIND)
This verbal slap in the face will forever go down in history as one of the most quotable and epic breakup lines of all time. Suave, aloof Rhett is quite literally Gone with the Wind after he delivers these memorable 8 words to poor, frantic Scarlett in the 1939 classic film. It kind of stings just hearing it onscreen, but it’s too quick and too good not to praise.
#7 “I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen.”
Your heart can’t help but sink a little bit every time you hear John Cusack say this sadly relatable line. Just picture broken-hearted Lloyd, alone with his boom box—and a pen. It’s like seeing your cocker spaniel in the window through your rear-view mirror and knowing he’s thinking, “She really left. I offered to share my ball, and she poured Kibbles and Bits and drove off.” It’s a laughable line to deliver a sad, sad scene.
#6 “There is a good way to break up with someone, and it doesn’t involve a post-it!”
(SEX & THE CITY)
Sometimes, it’s not just what’s said in a breakup, but how it’s said. When McDreamy and Meredith Grey commit their wedding vows to a sticky note, our hearts swooned, but a breakup via neon paper just doesn’t have the same heart-melting effect. Carrie Bradshaw, no stranger to heartbreak or embarrassing tell-alls about relationships, won’t let us do anything but laugh though when she dumps on her dumping with this comedic comeback.
#5“If I want to be a Senator, I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn.”
Everything about this breakup scene is funny—from Elle’s guesses as to Warren’s reasons for dumping her (too blonde or her boobs are too big) to the sickening joke that is the pet name, “Pooh Bear.” A grown man using female icons as references for ideal life partners indicates that there was probably a little too many Cosmo quizzes involved in their relationship anyway. Was his ideal spouse an Autumn, rather than a Summer, too?
#4 “I prefer my space stringy, not loopy”
(THE BIG BANG THEORY)
It’s safe to say that none of the characters of CBS show, The Big Bang Theory, are exactly skilled at normal human interaction, much less proper protocol for romantic relations. This makes for great television on most topics, but the breakup scenes win the sidesplitting game. Lactose intolerance, inability to speak with women in the room and an over-attachment to Mom are all standards in this friend group, but when it comes to science they don’t play. When Leslie Winkle hears that beau, Leonard Hofstadter’s thoughts on a hypothetical theory of physics differ from hers, that’s a “deal-breaker.”
#3 “1, 2, … I want a divorce”
(CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE)
Kicking off a movie filled with love and laughs, the opening breakup scene in Crazy, Stupid, Love takes comedic timing to a new level. On a typical mom and dad date night, Cal and Emily Weaver contemplate what they want to follow their meal. Revealing their choices together on the count of 3 would be a fun, impulsive plan—if they were both pondering the dessert menu. Poor Cal’s suggestion of crème brule is drowned out when instead of crying for chocolate mousse, wifey blurts out that she would like to treat herself to a divorce.
#2 “It’s not you, it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.”
(FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS)
Friends with Benefits—the concept and the movie—necessitate an absence of commitment. So when the writers of the 2011 romantic comedy introduce the leading characters in dating relationships, the plot leaves no choice but to deliver a memorable breakup scene. In a fantastic medley of Mila Kunis, JT and some breakup clichés, these stars deliver an onscreen separation that will have you wondering why you ever stayed in a relationship when breaking up could be so comical.
#1 “We were on a break”
Finally, the 5 little words that went down in history as one of the most referenced lines in a 10 season show puts the ultimate comedic spin on a devastating turn of events. Even if you’re not a FRIENDS fanatic (Do you people actually exist?), you’ve probably heard the phrase, or at least caught some meme on Pinterest, featuring a red-faced Ross Gellar and ever-perfect Rachel Green. While the actual breakup scene shattered everyone involved (especially viewers), Ross’s mistake with the hot girl from the Xerox place will forever live in uproarious infamy thanks to this line of hysterical miscommunication.
So why cry it out, when Truvy Jones of Steel Magnolias taught us that “laughter through tears” is the best emotion. Breaking up may be hard to do, but it sure is easier when you’ve got the comic relief of the best breakup lines onscreen.