A man’s intentions come in two forms: I want to have sex with you OR I want to have sex with you AND date you. We almost always want to have sex with you.
Determining if we want to date you isn’t always easy, but here are a few key points to consider when analyzing a prospect’s intentions:
- Decipher our profiles: As a woman in the online dating world know that this is the quickest way for you to cut through the crap. Take the time to read my profile. On a site like POF, where everything is free, the fact that I have made the effort to write about myself to give you a glimpse into my character is worth a lot. Did I sound authentic? Can I spell and use good grammar? No? Move on.
- Check for selfies: If I don’t have enough friends to take my picture you should run… fast. Away from me.
- Our initial email to you matters: Did I put an effort into my message? Is it composed of something along the lines of, “Hey boo, what’s up?”, not creative, funny, and unique to you? Pass.
- Look at the people who surround us: It’s no secret that the 5 closest people in a person’s life will be a direct reflection of them. Take a hard look at the people I surround myself with. Players and douchebags? Intelligent suitors? Great men hang out in groups, and so do losers. Jersey shore what?
- Our words vs. our behavior: Whenever these two things don’t match…always pick my behavior. i.e.: I say I want to grab coffee and keep flaking… I don’t want to.
- Limit our options: Make us wait for sex. I cannot stress the value of this enough. Don’t get me wrong… great relationships can still happen when couples have sex early on, but if you make me wait for the booty, my true intentions will become clear very quickly. If my intentions are solely sexual, I will start to flake on plans, be less responsive through text, and all those feelings you had in your gut will be
No matter the gender, the most important of the intentions are the ones we hold in our own hearts. Finally, and most importantly, I present to you the ultimate insight… i.e. #7. If you nail this one and know your own worth, you can skip the first six.
Are his intentions a mirror of yours? Ask yourself, “What do you actually want?” It is no secret that you attract what you are. I don’t mean in the “manifestation” or “The Secret” sort of way, but truthfully, if you want a guy who intends to love your heart, you can’t go randomly banging everything around you, because then that is exactly the type of guy you will get. A perfect reflection of you. Be the one you want.
Tweet Mark @createthelove
I disagree with all your even-numbered points.
Re 2, there’s nothing wrong with selfies. It would be embarrassing to ask one of my male friends to take pictures of me (I would have to explain why) and if I had female friends, I wouldn’t need POF.
Re 4, if a woman meets me through POF, she will have dated me at least four or five times before she meets my friends. That doesn’t work as a screener.
Re 6, two issues. First, I presume that the women I’m dating want sex as much as I do. If they don’t, I don’t want to date them. Why should they deprive themselves by waiting for some arbitrary number of dates before doing what they wanted to do all along? Second, I presume you’re young. Us older folk don’t have time to waste playing silly games like “making him wait”.
Thank you for writing this article. I especially appreciate Rules #5, 6 & 7.
After almost 3 months of “dating” a guy I met on POF, I’ve learned more about myself and what I won’t tolerate. My biggest struggle has been giving people the benefit of the doubt, choosing to focus on their good points while ignoring what my gut initially tells me.
The most important thing I’ve learned from this recent interaction is, if someone shows you who they are believe them.
Grateful for the lesson and ready to move on.