“I’m just not that into you” is almost an impossible phrase to say to someone – it’s honest sure, but boy does it hurt hearing it from someone you really like.
Today I’m going to share some alternative, more tactful phrases that relay the same message.
Rejection via Dating App:
If you’ve exchanged one or two messages on a dating app, and have decided it’s not going anywhere with this person, it’s not at all necessary to send a final message explaining you’re no longer interested in talking. Some singles receive lots of messages daily, and it can take a great deal of time to individually respond to everyone who sends a “hello.”
Alternatively, if you have been talking to someone on a dating app for the last few weeks or more and have mentioned plans to meet up, but are no longer interested, it’s respectful to let the person know what’s going on, rather than vanishing like a ghost.
Not sure what to write? Try one of these:
- “It’s been great chatting with you and after getting to know you a little better, I don’t think we’re quite looking for the same things right now.”
- “It’s been nice getting to know you a little better, but I don’t think we’re quite the right fit for one another.”
What if you’ve gone on a couple dates with someone? How do you get out of seeing them again?
Rejection via Text
You’ve really tried to give this person a shot, you went on the first date which wasn’t bad, but not great (maybe they were just really nervous?), so you opt into date #2 – it was better than the first. Date #3 rolls around and it becomes apparent you’re not feeling a connection. How do you let them know you don’t want date #4?
Since a phone call has become a little more intimate in modern day dating, you can settle with a text message for this one.
Here’s what you can write:
- “Thanks again for last night’s date. You seem like a really great person, but unfortunately for me I’m just not feeling the chemistry between us.”
A lot of the time, people just want closure rather than wondering what they may have done or said to never hear from you again. If they react badly to your polite rejection, it will just reaffirm your choice in letting them go.
If you’re at all like myself, you dislike confrontation. Letting someone go face-to-face after months of dating can be nerve-racking and I think a lot of the time we opt to hide behind our phone screens. It’s important to remember there is no perfect day or time to end a relationship. When you know you’re no longer interested in someone, is when you should address the way you’re feeling.
Most people dislike being blind-sided with the break-up conversation. What I recommend, is giving this person a heads up, by sending a message that says something along the lines of, “I’d like to meet up so we can chat about some things.” This is an immediate indicator that the conversation you’re most likely going to have, is not going to be a great one. They will however, have an idea of where the night’s going to lead, rather than thinking they’re just going to enjoy a date night with you.
Once you’re face-to-face, it’s important to clearly communicate your thoughts and feelings to each other. As a result, these conversations often lead to a break up, but on some occasions it’s exactly the conversation you needed to have a better understanding of each other’s personalities and behaviors.
Photo by Matthew Fassnacht on Unsplash