Online Dating Red Flags: From A Dating Site Employee

When it comes to online dating, nobody really has a step by step playbook on what to expect, not even me! The internet has gone ahead and kicked it up a notch by granting us complete anonymity behind screen names and Instagram filters. Even as a dating site employee, I can admit that more than once I’ve been disappointed after meeting someone who turned out to drink and womanize like Tyrion Lannister. But no more!

As someone who sees the ins and outs of online dating on the daily, believe me when I say, not all dates have been or will be bad. From practice, I’ve come to recognize the red flags I was missing by being too blinded by excitement or who I wanted my date to be. So at my expense, save yourself the wasted time and effort, and pay close attention to the most common (and most serious) online dating red flags.

1. Bringing up an ex repeatedly in conversation

There is absolutely no reason in the world that a guy you are talking to online should be giving you a play by play, sorting out the pots and pans of their previous relationship (she was boring / he was unmotivated, he cheated / she was lazy etc). If they are constantly speaking; ill or otherwise about their ex, they are looking for a therapist. Not a relationship. Every ex of their’s was crazy? Uh huh, onto the next.

2. Their Longest relationship is a year or less and they are in their mid-30’s

Now I’m a big advocate of not wasting time on losers or people who do you no good. Cutting ties to those who cause you hurt is best done sooner rather than later. However, everyone has had one relationship that has lasted over a year, whether it be dysfunctional or the best one of your life, as much as we hate to admit it to ourselves (or others). If you are looking for a serious relationship and are speaking with mid 30 year olds who have not had a relationship longer than a year, it’s time to reconsider how seriously relationship oriented this person is or will be. Will this person be someone to bring home to family dinners? Most likely no. Some of our best relationship lessons are learned early on, if someone hasn’t experienced those ups and those downs, this might not end well.

3. Out of a recent relationship (within first couple of months)

I once struck up an online convo with a guy who’d ended his relationship. THAT WEEK. Now, I’m not one to judge, but if you and your ex broke up last Saturday, you’re more than likely looking for a rebound come the next Friday and can stay out of my lane. If their relationship was +2 years and they’re on a dating website in less than 3 months since the time of break-up, more than likely buddy over there is still dealing with yesterday’s news. Later for that noise.

4. No real profession

All too many times I see guys list their profession as “Got one” or “A good job”. If you can’t at least provide a vague FIELD of what your profession is, chances are you do not “got one”. What are you, a spy? I’m not asking for a detailed description of your daily activities but if I’m gabbing with my girlfriends over a bottle of wine and can’t definitively say what you do, we won’t be meeting anytime soon. I don’t know about you, but I don’t necessarily look for a partner who doesn’t take some sort of pride in at least mentioning what they do for a living.

5. Lavish lifestyle photos (most commonly associated with vague Profession)

Hi, my name is red flag. The idea behind posting pictures is to put your best food forward, showcasing your interests and hobbies. Guys with only images of themselves in the VIP section of the club surrounded with bottles or selfies with that expensive watch in their luxury vehicle scream someone who has something to prove. Those who have money are subtle about it. It’s great to see someone has worked hard for their things but, I question what type of intent this person has. We get it already, you’re into making money. You and the rest of the world.

What are your online dating red flags? Leave them in the comments below!

2 Comments

  1. lisa

    How about these: 1. People who you have yet to meet who are angry/snide/sneering/upset at the idea you may be corresponding with others on the dating site. Sounds like scary jealous type.
    2. People who get livid when you do not reply within their required time frame, as though it is some race, or your job and you have shirked an assignment, or as though you are neglecting them… People do have other things in life, and if you unwilling to have ANY patience in the early “getting to know you” stages, it’s likely you are going to be frighteningly high maintenance and irrational. 3. People who clearly read nothing someone says and focus exclusively on photos… Aside from a vain few, I really don’t think most people feel particularly connected just because you think they are pretty or handsome. Face it – good looking folks probably know that already, and telling them that will likely just demonstrate how shallow you are. If they are happy to hear it, and don’t care that you didn’t take a moment to read anything they had to say, perhaps they are awfully shallow. I think it is off putting, and you shouldn’t treat people online like some physical prize you discovered. Take a moment and connect with the person, think about something they said, say something about you and skip the gushing flattery about looks. If you have to mention it, do so once and move on. 4. Anyone who gets in touch to tell you how much they hate your sports team, pet, profession, choice of neighborhood, pet, taste in food, etc. Seriously? If you hate it so much you have to point it out to a complete stranger move on. What are they expecting? That you will say – Oh great! So glad to hear you dislike something I enjoy or that is important to me and that you went out of your way to make a point of it! Marry me.

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