Today, we’re going to tell you everything you need to know about messaging on dating sites like Plenty of Fish: why your messages may not be sending, why you may not be receiving messages, and how to send a message that get replies. There are a number of different reasons why all the above may be happening to you and if they are, read on to find answers to frequently asked questions we receive.
Everything you need to know about messaging on Plenty of Fish.
Why aren’t my messages sending?
You’ve just finished crafting your message to someone you’ve been eyeing, but when you check your sent messages, it hasn’t gone through. Sound familiar to you? Here is a checklist of reasons why your messages may have not gone through to a user.
Your messages have been blocked automatically by our system because…
a) It includes foul language, and sexual or explicit terms. This may also lead to the deletion of your account.
b) You are using the “copy and paste” method of messaging where all your messages are the same. Our system detects this behaviour as spam. To learn how to send great first messages, check out our how-to video here.
c) Your message contains spam, links, or other website names. If you’re promoting your goods/services, you will be removed from the platform.
d) The user you’re attempting to send your message to has specified that they prefer longer first messages vs. a short simple “hey.” We recommend writing a longer first message, and perhaps expanding on or asking a question about an interest you saw in their profile.
e) You reached your maximum number of first message contacts. There is NO limit on how many messages you can send per day to the people you’re already in contact with, so you can chat as much as you like.
f) The recipient of your message has mail settings restricting you from contacting them. There may be restrictions you cannot see listed on their profile.
g) Your profile may have been flagged for review and be in quarantine. If you cannot receive messages, add favorites, or are having trouble logging in, please wait 48 hours and try again.
h) Your age is outside of the +/- 14 year contact restrictions (or +9 year restrictions for those under 22.) The user you’re attempting to contact has blocked you.
Remember, if you wish to limit who is allowed to contact you on Plenty of Fish, you can do so by going to your “Mail Settings” under “Edit Profile” and selecting parameters.
Why is a message missing from my inbox after I’ve received a notification that I had one?
Your messages may not be showing up in your inbox even though you got a notification of a new message because:
- The person who sent you the message has actually decided to delete their account before you were able to read the message they sent you. All messages are deleted after an account is closed.
- The message you received has expired. All messages are auto-deleted by our system after 30 days and there is no way to retrieve those.
- The user who sent the message has blocked you therefore you can no longer read their message they sent you.
- You may have by accidently deleted the message from your own inbox. Unfortunately once a message is deleted, you can not retrieve it again.
Why aren’t I receiving messages or replies to messages I’ve sent to other users?
You may not be receiving messages or replies because…
A) Your message got lost in the sea of other messages because it didn’t quite stand out.
Yes, there are plenty of singles to choose from on Plenty of Fish, but sometimes your messages can get lost in the crowd if it’s not quite as eye-catching as others. There are a number of tips you can utilize to help your messages get noticed.
- Check your spelling first and foremost! – Bad grammar is a huge turn off to the majority of singles. In fact, we surveyed over 2,000 singles in the United States and they admitted that they’d rather bad sex than bad grammar! Get a friend to proofread your profile and see how you do.
- Avoid “hey, how are you?” or “hey, how was your day?” – these types of messages aren’t unique, you haven’t even made it a personal address. Even adding a “hey [insert username/real name] is better than no customization at all. If you don’t know what to write, take a read through the person’s profile to get an idea of what they might like to do in their spare time and ask them more questions about it. Perhaps you notice they enjoy the same things you do. 60% of singles say if a message highlights a mutual interest or experience, they would most likely respond to it. Asking questions about someone’s interests and hobbies is a much better way to get to know someone!
- Your messages are overly sexual for a first introduction – There is nothing worse than getting a first message that makes you feel uncomfortable. “Girl, how are you so hot and single? I’d love to take you out and see what fun things we get up to.” Most singles don’t want to hear on repeat “why/how are you single?”. The reminder from a total stranger is a huge turnoff. That paired with an insincere compliment and sexual innuendo – even worse.
- You may not realize it yet, but you’re an oversharer – You’re coming on too strong by stating what you like, dislike and where you see yourself in 5 years within your first message. This isn’t an interview for your next job role, dating is supposed to be fun, so approach that first message with ease and confidence and perhaps pose a question to your match rather than taking up all the space to talk about yourself.
- You’re using a movie line or a cheesy pick up line – “Are you French, because Eiffel for you” Oh oh no. or “Are you a cake? Cause I want a piece of that” YIKES. These types of messages are not going to work on most people. Think to yourself, would you actually walk up to someone at a bar with that line? Avoid cheesy pick up lines at all cost.
- Ask questions and be inquisitive in your opener!- If someone messages and asks you a question about yourself and you’re interested in them, to help keep the conversation going, reciprocate and ask them questions too. Don’t fall into the one-sided conversation territory! If you show genuine curiosity about someone else’s life and experiences, you’re well on your way to a two-way conversation.
B) You haven’t optimized your profile yet
Maybe your writing A+ messages, but your profile is seriously lacking information: You haven’t taken the time to add any information about yourself. Either you’ve kept it totally blank, or you’ve filled it in with the words “I’ll fill this out later.” When someone sees an unfinished profile, their automatic impression is that you aren’t as serious about dating because you didn’t take the 10-20 minutes to fill out your profile in its entirety. Not sure what to write in your online dating profile? Here’s how to write a great dating profile and stand out in a sea of fish.
You have no photos or your photos aren’t showcasing your authentic self- If you profile has a hefty mix of bathroom selfies, gym selfies, or heavily edited/filtered photos, you’re not maximizing this area of your profile. One in three singles have actually passed up messaging someone on a dating app because their photos were too heavily filtered/edited. Check out the best and the worst photos to use on your dating profile here. Most singles want to see a genuine smile and a variety of photos, not photos of you in sunglasses with a group of friends.
You’re profile is full of checklists- “I don’t like this…” then listing off 10 different things you’re not looking for in a partner is not the most attractive introduction. This information comes off as really quite negative for someone who has never met you before. Positivity can go a long way and rather than saying what you don’t want in a partner, try flipping it to saying what you would enjoy doing most with a partner – ie. travelling to an exotic destination to go hiking, staying at home binging your favorite Meryl Streep movies or learning how to cook together. Showcasing what makes you unique will help you stand out!
There is someone for everyone out there and by following these simple and important messaging hacks, you will quickly learn what kinds of messages are better to send than others. If you have additional questions about messaging on dating sites, please feel free to ask in our comments section below!
If someone is asking me to verify myself and the link sent is a pof verify link is that connected to you guys and why do you not do it when i sign up.. They are aski g me to verify and there address will b reviled.. Is this true?
Hi Mathew, it sounds like you may have had a negative interaction with a scam account. This is not a Plenty of Fish message. To clarify, Plenty of Fish does require a mobile number upon registration now as we’ve recently implemented 2-Factor verification. Your privacy is extremely important to us – we will only use this phone number for security purposes, and you will not receive any other text messages or phone calls from Plenty of Fish.
Dors POF updates pictures for us? Or do i have to personally choose one and downloaded?
Hi Sean, thanks for commenting on the blog! Plenty of Fish does not autopopulate or update you photos, that’s for you to choose what photos you think best represent yourself. I always recommend updating your profile pictures every six months to keep them current! Hope this helps.
I want to message people but it says they have different interest. Can I go around that
Hi Scott, great question! If you’re unable to message certain people, it’s because they’ve put restrictions on their Mail Settings. There is no way to change this, unless the person who you’re trying to message, removes the mailing restrictions.
I get blocked from sending messages on POF. Because I did copy and paste, what should I do to send messages again?
Hi Daniel, good question! I always recommend tailoring your message to the person you’re sending the message to and avoiding the copy and paste altogether. You can start with reading the other person’s profile and picking out a common interest that you two share or commenting about one of their photos!
When you delete a message in your sent box and it hasn’t been read yet? Is it deleted so who ever you send it to won’t see it ?
Hi Wayne, great question – the other person will most likely get a notification that there was a message, but the message itself will not show in their inbox.
Hi Kate how can I send unlimited messages to different people I like on plenty of fish, can this be done via upgrade or is it not possible
Hi Jamie, that’s correct! All upgraded profiles can send unlimited messages 🙂
How many first messages can you send in a day?
Hi Ashley, as an upgraded member you can send unlimited messages in a day!
Hello Kate, I am not a Premium member here and I enjoy being here. My question is that I have communicated with a lady a lot in messaging and I need to delete many of the messages, how do I delete messages?
Hi Donald, you can easily delete messages in your message inbox by swiping your finger to the left on the message and a red “Delete” button will pop up on the right side. You can click “Delete” and that message will disappear.
I received a message from pof that I had been dropped! I just signed up today and did nothing wrong…please help!
If I delete a message from my inbox, does it remove the message from the other involved parties inbox/outbox as well?
Great question Rob, if you delete a message from your inbox, it will not remove it for the other party involved. They will still have the message in their inbox.
Hi,if I’m logged out can people still see me and message me?
Hi Sally, you bet! Even if you’re not logged into the app, your profile is still viewable to those on the app and they can message you 🙂 Hope this helps!
Thank you for the great and very useful suggestions. Both comments and questions were tactful and polite. The hard part is getting match after match that tells me I don’t fit the demographic the woman has set up. On another site I accidently hit a 6 instead of a 5. I think 25 years plus minus more reasonable for me because I don’t think or dance or ski my age. Don
Sent a picture of a loaf of bread I had baked that I was proud of to someone I’ve been messaging for a little while and I got put on a watch list for posting inappropriate content in violating Community standards.
Hey Claudette, this sounds like an unfortunate side effect of our image recognition software. If you send our support team an email at [email protected] they should be able to get this cleared up for you!
Hi, on 2 occasions I’ve gone onto pof and found a new message but no ‘1’ over the envelope icon or ‘new’ on the message. Like the message has already been opened. I changed my password and it still happened. Can you tell me why this is happening? And can I request that my account is monitored to see what’s happening.
Hey Nina, this is actually an issue our team has been made aware of and is working on resolving as soon as possible. It appears to be a bug so there shouldn’t be any concern of someone accessing your account, however, if you are worried at all feel free to reach out to our support team at [email protected].
The option is there to delete sent messages. But as soon as I delete them, go to another section of the site, come back to sent message… there they are. Is there a way to permanently delete these messages?
Hi Kim! Great question. You can delete these messages by doing so from your regular inbox instead of your “sent messages” inbox. Keep in mind you can delete conversations but not individual messages.